Can You Predict Your Response to Conflict?

Have you heard the Aesop's Fable about the scorpion and the frog?

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry 
him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?"
The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog.
The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will
drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "It's my nature..."

How's that fable relevant to the world of conflict resolution?  There are a number of conflict style inventory instruments out there that profess to provide insight into our "natural" instincts when faced with conflict. These include the Jay Hall Conflict Management Survey, the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) , and the Kraybill Conflict Style Inventory (KCSI), a more recent publication that is culturally sensitive.

More extensive personality type instruments are also useful to help understand conflict style differences. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which is based on the work of Carl Jung, and the Gilmore Fraleigh instruments fall into this category.

The one I'm most familiar with and use in teaching conflict resolution and negotiation skills is the TKI (available in Canada through Psychometrics Canada Ltd.). It uses two axes called "assertiveness" and "cooperativeness." The TKI identifies five different styles of conflict: Competing (assertive/uncooperative), Avoiding (unassertive/ uncooperative), Accommodating (unassertive/cooperative), Collaborating (assertive/cooperative), and Compromising (intermediate assertiveness/intermediate cooperativeness).

These instruments can be useful - they provide insight into our tendencies and reflexes when faced with conflict  and perhaps provide some assistance in helping us identify our vulnerabilities and a counterpart's strengths when preparing for a negotiation (consider how the frog might have fared better had he known more about the scorpion's tendencies).

However, in my view, no one category or approach can describe us completely.  Circumstance, context and who we're engaged with in conflict or negotiation can impact our approach.  For example, we may tend to be collaborative at work but when dealing with conflict at home we may be accommodating.  I recently taught an advanced course in negotiation at the University of Toronto and as part of the course I had the students complete the TKI.  Many were amazed by the tendencies that were revealed but most also felt that their approach to conflict changed depending on the situation they were in (i.e. work, social or family situations).

You would think that how well we know ourselves and our tendencies in a given situation can help us understand how we'll deal with a conflict situation or prepare for and manage a negotiation. But, just how accurate can we be when it comes to predicting our responses to conflict? 

Can you predict how you will respond in a difficult negotiation with an aggressive counterpart?   Are these instruments of any real value in helping us become better conflict resolvers?  Perhaps not, according to a recent study highlighted in the April 27, 2012 edition of the Harvard Law School's Program On Negotiation e-neswletter. 

Researchers Kristina A. Diekmann of the University of Utah, Ann E. Tenbrunsel of the University of Notre Dame, and Adam D. Galinsky of Northwestern University conducted a series of studies showing that people are not very good at predicting how they will respond to conflict. When asked to imagine that they were facing a competitive opponent, participants overestimated how competitive they would be. In fact, participants actually negotiated less competitively than usual against very competitive opponents. They expect to fight fire with fire but, in fact, countered with concessions.

So, perhaps we don't know ourselves as well as we might think.  And, perhaps the conflict style inventory instruments can give us a false sense of how we will respond to conflict when actually faced with it.  This discussion presents more interesting questions than simple answers.  However, in my view, there is still no replacement for honest introspection and preparation as you enter any negotiation or conflict: know yourself, know your opponent, know the issues and underlying interests, be perceptive and be flexible.