Emotional Rescue: How To Save a Sinking Negotiation
Negotiations can go bad in a hurry for any number of reasons - clashing personalities, inflated egos, misunderstandings, incompatible priorities, negative emotions.
When things get rough, what's your go-to strategy to get things back on track?
I find that taking a step back and detaching for a moment of self-reflection allows me to collect myself, view the interaction objectively and re-focus with renewed energy, perspective and purpose on the common interests (or goals) at the heart of the negotiation.
The experts agree.
Professor William Ury, of the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, coined the phrase "go to the balcony" in his brilliantly practical book on negotiating with difficult people, Getting Past No. Ury challenges us to imagine negotiating on a stage and then imagine climbing onto a balcony overlooking the stage. The "balcony" is a metaphor for mental detachment.
Daniel Goleman, esteemed expert and author on the topic of emotional intelligence, wades into the negotiation arena with thoughts on how "checking-in with your self-awareness" and "re-centering" can help rescue a flagging negotiation.
Goleman's insights are drawn from an interview he conducted with George Kohlriesler, a negotiation expert and Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behaviour at IMD (the International Institute of Management Development) in Lausanne, Switzerland.
For Goleman and Kohlriesler, success at the negotiation table begins with the establishment of strong and dynamic bonds with your counterpart. You may not like your counterpart, but you need to forge a foundation of respect, trust and collaboration to have negotiation success. Sometimes the bonds that have been formed fall apart, or perhaps haven't been solidly built in the first place. Kolhriesler suggests that in order to build or rebuild a bond, you must first check-in with your self-awareness and engage in an honest assessment of the emotions that are impeding a productive dialogue. Are there negative emotions? If so, what are they and how are they getting in the way?
Once you've checked-in and re-centered, circle back to the common interests (or goals) that brought you to the negotiation table. Why are we here? What do we both want to achieve? Next, invite your counterpart to share their take on why things have unraveled.
William Ury refers to this stage as "disarming" your counterpart by "stepping to their side." As Ury puts it, if you want your counterpart to listen to you, begin by listening to them.
Ultimately, through active and empathetic listening the experts all agree that you will create a connection - a bond - critical to getting the negotiation back on track.
Whatever label you give it - detaching, checking-in, stepping back, going to the balcony - the message is clear: the awareness and ability to take a mental break to regain your ballast is critical to re-focusing on the common goals that brought you to the negotiation table and creating the bond that will foster agreement.
