The Qualities of An Effective Mediator
You're seeking a mediator to resolve a dispute. What qualities do you look for?
I’m not talking about mediation style or approach - whether the mediator uses a facilitative, evaluative or transformative approach or some combination of the three - or whether they have the best swag or serve the best lunch.
Are there qualities that transcend style and approach that all effective mediators possess?
Growing up, my father, a family physician, taught us the "three A's": ability, affability and availability. Embody those qualities and you will find success in whatever you do, he would say. To this day, I hear his words and I strive to live by them in my work as a dispute resolution professional.
Ability - expertise, in terms of both process skills and substantive knowledge (legal and technical familiarity with the subject matter of the dispute)
Affability - approachability, warmth and friendliness
Availability - ability to conduct the mediation within a time frame that suits the parties’ needs
The three A's work for me, but based on feedback received from expert mediators, Harvard's Program on Negotiation (PON) reports the best mediators possess the following three qualities:
Rapport
Creativity
Patience
A mediator's ability to develop rapport is defined by the PON authors as "a relationship of understanding, empathy, and trust" with the disputing parties. How is rapport developed and why is it important? The PON authors don't address these questions in their short article, but I believe it starts with authenticity. Honest and sincere caring, compassion and curiousity earn you trust. A skilled mediator conveys a sense of calm and balance that puts the parties at ease and encourages the sharing of information and the release of emotions.
Creativity separates the good mediators from the great ones. In most mediations there's a point in the process when the parties get stuck - they may have reached their financial end-point; they may be dealing with strong emotions that make letting go unimaginable; they may be so close to the dispute that they don’t see outlying possibilities for resolution. The creative mediator can play a key role by suggesting a novel approach or a unique option to break an impasse. In a human rights dispute I mediated recently the parties arrived at the mediation with very different expectations about money - the complainant was seeking compensation while the institution wasn’t prepared to discuss money. I realized very early in the day that if we were going to reach a resolution we’d have to find value somewhere else. And, we did. The parties agreed on new safeguards and protocols for the institution that, ultimately, offered more value to the complainant than any compensation he might have initially envisioned.
In my early years as a mediator in the mid-1990’s, I developed and taught a dispute resolution program for the Seneca College of Applied Arts and Technology with a fascinating guy named Charles Grysman. Charlie had a unique background - educator, social worker, therapist and orthodox rabbi. Trained in the social work model of mediation developed by William Schwartz and others, Charlie lived by the mantra “faith in the process.” Essentially, you give the parties a framework to follow and you faithfully guide them through it. Mediation is a process, often a long and exhausting one. But, I firmly believe that if you provide a process, engage willing participants in it and have the patience and persistence to stick with it you will arrive at a resolution.
I offer two concluding thoughts. First, the PON findings are based on surveys of expert mediators. Would the results have been different if lawyers and/or clients had been surveyed? Second, I’m comfortable with the three qualities identified, but if I could add a fourth it would be preparedness. A well-prepared mediator - one who has carefully reviewed and considered in advance all of the written material presented and the applicable law - is far more useful during the mediation process than one who isn't.
