Fight Like a Girl: Women and Negotiation

On June 26, 2014, a video entitled Always #LikeAGirl was posted on YouTube, and through it, over 47 million viewers have been inspired to ask themselves what it means to be a girl, or a woman, in our society.

While most of us, thankfully, are beyond the school-yard taunts of “you run like a girl” or “you cry like a girl”, in the often adversarial legal and dispute resolution world, men and women alike may face the perception that they fight like a girl. So what does it mean to fight like a girl, and what does that perception imply about a negotiation style and approach to conflict resolution?
Ladies and Gentlemen…

According to research by Carol Gilligan, American feminist, ethicist, and psychologist, and author of the groundbreaking book, In a Different Voice, ethical development is often experienced differently by boys and girls. In conflict, boys tend to view themselves as opponents in a contest of rights that can be advanced through demands. They define themselves by how they are distinct and different from others, and view themselves as fundamentally separate with the option to connect with others.

Girls, on the other hand, view themselves as part of an interdependent network of relationships. In conflict, girls seek to activate this network through communication in order to advance interests. They view themselves as inherently connected and recognize the risk of separation that may accompany conflict.

The apparent differences between boys and girls in their ethical development appear to be reflected in negotiation characteristics later in life. Where men are seen to be more assertive, competitive, and achievement-oriented, women are viewed as more empathetic, communicative, problem-solving focused and honest at the negotiation table.  The development and manifestation of these characteristics can lead to misperception and conflict when men and women sit down together to negotiate.

Engage Your Strengths 

So how can men and women come together at the negotiation table?  Simple – men and women should play to their strengths.
Laura Kray, a professor at the University of California, Berkeley Haas School of Business, has studied the characteristics that men and women traditionally exhibit in negotiation.  Kray found that when women are told that certain “masculine” traits are more effective, such as assertiveness or aggression, and they assume those traits, they perform worse than men at the negotiation table. Conversely, when women are told that certain “feminine” characteristics are more effective in negotiation, like empathy, good listening skills, and effective communication, and they embody those characteristics in their negotiations, they perform better than men.

Playing to your strengths appears to translate into heightened confidence in your own approach and abilities, regardless of gender, which increases your chances of success at the negotiation table.   On the other hand, if you are uncomfortable with the approach you have chosen, if it is unnatural to you, it will negatively impact your performance in a negotiation.

Keep Fighting ‘Like a Girl’

While it appears that both women and men need to be true to their “ethical” stripes to maximize success in negotiation, developing and building strong trusting relationships is often the key to successful long term negotiating partnerships – regardless of gender.  With that in mind, perhaps we can all learn to “fight like a girl” by striving to negotiate with honesty and empathy.